I don’t even know where to start, haha.
I’ll break it into parts so you don’t have to read it all at once, okay? :)
My original plan was to escape to Cali and start fresh in a college over there, but I realized it’s too soon for me to do that. The 2 things keeping me here are Jonathan and the mere fact that I’m not ready at all. I feel like I’m too young to be so far off and plus I want to be closer to him and my family for now. I’m at the point where I realize I love him and he’s enough reason for me to want to stay on the east coast. The closest college I applied to is only an hour & a half away which isn’t so bad. They have this program for advanced students where I could get my degree in 3 years instead of 4 which is perfect ‘cause the sooner I can start my life, the better. The ONE thing I don’t like is that it’s in the mountains (kind of) and I’m more of a big-city kind of person. But then again, it’s 1.5 hours away from DC and it’ll only be for 3 years. I could adjust to that. Either that or VCU… which is 2 hours away. The thing is, after I graduate I’m gonna have to do an extra 2 years of school in order for me to be specialized in pediatrics and whatnot, but I’m still not sure if I want to take a break, work a little to save money and get experience, and THEN finish those 2 years, or if I should do all 5-6 years of college straight and then find a job. I guess it also depends on my personal life and whether or not I’m getting married, hehe.
Ideal husband -
I don’t have an ideal husband….. haha. He just has to be good looking so that we make sexy babies and someone who has seen all sides of me, good and bad, and still accepts the way I am. They have to be funny and young at heart so that when we go on adventures it’ll be really fun. They also have to be okay with spending lazy days with me ‘cause I can be the biggest bum on the planet and play video games for hours. Cute games though! Like Pokemon Stadium LOL that game was my life. :p After being together for so long, he has to be my number one best friend. I don’t expect us to start off as best friends, but I do expect us to grow closer and closer until it’s like we’re the same person and all that corny shit. My ideal husband is someone I’m most comfortable with, someone who knows all my secrets and could finish a sentence for me. OH and he must must must buy me an engagement ring from Tiffany & Co. LOLOL just kidding not really. But I’d probably cry and die in his arms if he got me a ring from there. And then I’d come back to life just so I can wear it everywhere and show it off to all the other jealous girls. HAHAHAHAHAH. I’m so funny :)
I for sure want to get married after college. Or at least the FIRST part of college. I’d graduate around 20 or 21 hopefully (which is only in 3 or 4 years ahhhhh!), and I don’t mind getting married before I go do my extra 2 years of school. Hopefully I have a job by then though. I want a biiiiig, fat, princess wedding in a church with my entire family and a few friends. Then afterwards I want one of those big receptions in a hotel where it’s all fancy and expensive. It has to be super perfect with the perfect dress and gigantic cake, so even if I was engaged, I wouldn’t want to have a wedding until I had enough money to pay for the perfect one. If I waited until I was completely done with school to get married, I’d be around 22 or 23 which is fine too. However it turns out, I don’t plan on getting married until after the first 3 or 4 years of college. Just so I can get a job and save money first :) and I have to be able to afford our honeymoon!
I refuse to have a kid until I’m completely done with school and have a stable job. I’m assuming I’ll be around 24 or whatever, which is still early! My goal is to have my first baby before I turn 30. I made up my mind that I want 2 kids, but 3 at the most. Probably not 3 though ‘cause that’s a lot hahaha. Jonathan brought up the option of adopting but if I’m healthy and able to make a kid of my own, I’d rather do that. Adopting would be my last resort if I was physically unable to produce a child. I’m not about to put my limited amount of eggs to waste! Having kids makes me so excited lol I want both a boy and a girl but it’s not like I can decide what baby I have and shove it back up my vagina if it’s the wrong gender. LOLOL. I want to go on cute lunch dates with them and take them to school and buy them ice cream afterwards and stuff like that.
I don’t have a preference in what kind of house I want to live in, as long as it has a balcony where I can lay down at night, but that’s not important :) I don’t necessarily want to live in the city, but I want to live in some sort of suburban area where I could easily drive to the city in less than an hour. In terms of what state… hmm I always wanted to live in Los Angeles, Cali. But that’s up to my boyfriend/fiance/husband too ‘cause he has to agree with me. I don’t really want to stay in NoVa all my life. I’m not set on moving to LA or anything but I feel like Cali is where I’d want to grow old. Miami sounded nice until I realized how ghetto it can be… My children shall not grow up to be thugs and hoes. LOL ok sorry this is supposed to be serious. :)Actually though, I can live anywhere. As long as it’s a good place to settle down, you know?
If I get married though, my future husband either has to deal with a wife who has to go to school an extra 2 years OR wait those 2 years until I”m completely done and then get married. Yeah… and then we’ll live happily ever after in a little cottage by the water growing flowers and baking our own loaves of bread.
LOL sike. That’s too much effort.
Ok, the end
Lol joke’s on me. I took a million screenshots so I could make myself smile throughout the day, but then I deleted them and decided to permanently keep a tab open to this page, but then….
Ew… reading my old posts on this Tumblr is getting me all mixed up and moody.
I write like a corny ass cheeseball.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MISS?!
When we didn’t plan anything, we would just crash at Tysons.
And have mini-Tysons adventures.
And just walk around and do the randomest things…
We’d walk in and out of the mall and kiss everywhere and end the night at AMC.
I’m a really forgiving and understanding person. I think that’s my weakness.
So many people, especially Jessie and Leeanne, have told me to man up and speak for myself but I never do because I had already forgiven the person. I let people treat me like shit, but if I don’t want to give up on that person yet, then you can keep telling me what the right thing to do is but I won’t do it. It’s soo bad. Jonathan KNOWS he doesn’t talk/text/call me, and so do I, but I’ve never confronted him about it. I always give myself reasons to believe that we’ll be fine in the end. I’m the only person left among all my friends who still believes there’s something there for us. :/ I don’t know what it is. I just want to give him a chance. I want him to know that I’m on his side and I won’t give up on him. If he tells me he cheated on me, we’ll work it out. I’m not one to say “Fuck you” and leave. If I want to be with him, then I’ll keep trying no matter what happens. If he still wants to be with me, then I’ll believe him. It really all depends how things work out. But I let people get away with a lot of things. I let myself hurt because I choose to not bother the person, afraid that I might lose them or even just annoy them / put them in a bad mood. I’m a weakling.
I just don’t know why he’d do such a thing. Haha funny thing is, I don’t even know what it is. But I hope he knows I’ll understand him and I’ll be there for him.
You can tell me anything, babe. I’ve never judged what anyone’s told me in the past. When my friend told me she was pregnant, I was the calmest person in the room. When Jessie told me about how she attempted suicide, I was as calm as can be. I think I’m a good listener. I’m always understanding and I know how to talk to people. But I hope he knows that whatever it is, I’ll probably be very relaxed. If it’s something horrific, I won’t react to it. I won’t burst into tears, I won’t get heated, I’ll just talk through it with him.
There’s something I like about myself. I’m easy to talk to about anything.
Ever since I made a 3rd blog on my other Tumblr, I haven’t been opening up to this one as much. Then again, this one’s mainly for Jonathan. Then again, he doesn’t really look at this….. ever.
Okay well, I guess things were super rough like 3 or 4 days ago.
But now they’re getting better C:
My ass is planted in NY again for the next 12 days.
Oh and I talked to Kassandra for like 4.5 hours the other day, LOL.
That was pretty fun… we talked about the most random shit, lmfao.
I haven’t written here in a while… so, quick update!
I’m staying an extra 5 days so now I’m leaving in 8 days. Ugh. -___-;
Jonathan found his grandma’s old phone and finally called me, but I was sleeping so he left a voicemail. Haha it was really cute c:
Just logged onto facebook and literally the first thing on the news feed is that he’s married to some chick.
…sike. First thought that popped into my head: “What the fuck?!”
I’M COMING HOME IN 10 DAYS OMGGG. :’D
So, yesterday Fern texted me to let me know Jonathan’s phone broke and that he was sorry he wasn’t able to contact me.
-___-; well, that blows. I hope I find some way to talk to him before I come back ‘cause 10 more days without talking to him is gonna kill me. I told Fern I missed him and he said Jonathan misses me too but it’s not the same :c I wish I could talk to him.
Other than thattt… the TOM came yesterday but whatever, that’s fine with me! I’m literally not doing anything today. I’ve been in bed since I woke up and I’m sooo tired. The past 6 days have been nonstop going out and shopping, so today’s my relaxation day. I might hit the library later tonight so my mommy and I can grab a book but other than that, I just wanna stay in bed. :3
Been here for 5 days… 12 more and I’m coming home! c:
So apparently, no one’s heard from my booboo.
His phone’s been dead so I’m guessing he has no power? :/
Welllll, if he sees this…
I miss you, love! I hope you get your power back if it’s gone…
Good thing I’m coming back right before your birthday! :)
It’s 11:31 right now so I guess I’ll say good night and stuff.
LOL GOODNIGHT ♥
I wish I could hear your voice…
I’ve only been here for 4 days and I’m already so homesick. :/
I have 13 more days until I get to come home…
I literally haven’t talked to Jonathan two days straight and I have no idea why. :c
I can’t stop thinking about it. Or him. Lol.
I really miss him though.
I wonder if he misses me too :3
I really thought I wouldn’t be able to see him until I came back because of how he said he got into trouble and wasn’t allowed to. The whole time I was at the zoo with Jessie and we were trying to plan the night, I kept saying how blown I was that Jonathan might not be able to hang out with us. Joon and Vincent were the only ones who came over and everyone was coupled except for me. LOL I was sad as shittt. I didn’t show it though. I was laughing the whole time and enjoying the night but I reaaally wanted to be with my boyfriend. So then he texted me saying he’d come for a few minutes but Jessie had my phone so when she read it out loud, I looked at my phone to make sure she wasn’t lying and then I screamed. Hahaha. Omg fastest transition of my life from sad to happy! :D Then I showed Joon and while he was reading it his face lit up and this big smile came across his face :)
He didn’t stay for long nor did we really do much, but I’m so glad I got to see him and kiss him goodbye! :c He called me at like 1:30 in the morning and we got to talk for a while but then his phone died and I passed out. Hahahah.
Yo… wouldn’t it be chill AF if we went to M&M world together? That’d be the ultimate joke of our lives LOLOL omg. Okay, ima put that on my bucket list…
Remember when you said things were getting rough and you hope I don’t mind and stick with you?
I’m still here, babe.
I feel like crying.
I really miss when he and I used to work at AMC.
When we flirted all the time and I’d secretly wish he was put in the same place as me.
When we used to close together, usher together, do the trash together, hahaha.
We were almost inseperable. I always wanted to be where he was.
And somehow, he was always around me too. :’)
I miss being in concessions when we used to mess around all the time.
People would get so mad at us for not doing shit, LOL.
Awww… he was so cute. I loved coming to work just because I got to see him.
And then after we were more obvious, we used to hang out every night after work too.
I haven’t felt that “special” feeling for someone in so long.
I felt like i was in elementary school or middle school or something.
I felt like a little girl, haha.
Aww, my boyfriend’s adorable..
I miss you, baby.
It’s currently 8:19pm and we didn’t talk all day.
Too bad I can’t really call you… even though I tried :c
Sighhh… I’m leaving in two nights…
I’m gonna miss you a lot.
i’m so blown
I’m listening to Ray Charles while I write this… hahah.
My phone’s on shuffle… but perfect timing, huh?
It alwayssss reminds me of you…